I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There r osticjed everywhere
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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