I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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