peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
