My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hippo gnu deer
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
