Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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