guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Randomize
