Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
