Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
