My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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