then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
