I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
