fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
