All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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