and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
