Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
