Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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