We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
