If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
