this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
