the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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