I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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