we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
