it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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