thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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