I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
