I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can I color on your dick again?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
