Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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