Can i not drive my cunt home
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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