why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
