My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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