i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
