I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
