Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
