hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
