he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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