Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
