Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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