Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
