I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
