First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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