you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
