I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
