I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
