dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
