I just pynch a tree in the face
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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