i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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