My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
