Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
