It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
