So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
