I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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