just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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