is this the sara with the beer cane?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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